“How could you!?” 

“You know that is wrong, you should do the right thing.”  

“You should think about your family!” 

 “Those are Not things adults do.”

     You’ve heard the admonishments, the warnings, the advice and direction about what You SHOULD do with your life… how you should live, who you should partner with and of course, how often you should call and visit.

      And it’s not just what you should be doing…it’s what you “Have” to do, “Must” do and “Can’t” do.  Now it was our parents job to guide us… up to a point.  And whether they were the ideal parents or psychotic maniacs, their job is done, period.  What that also means is the rest IS up to you. Hmmm….

     I started this blog this morning with the idea of introducing NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) to my kinky friends… and instead drifted off into the land of “Follow Your Desire”… no wonder, that’s where I go so often!  And this is an introduction to NLP, because the very “Shoulds”, “Have to’s”, etc… are actually LINGUISTIC LANGUAGE VIOLATIONS.

   Ok, so what the heck are Linguistic Language Violations?  They are violations in the speakers language that either delete, distort or generalize causing a “mis-perception” for the casual listener.  In this particular case, the “shoulds, have to’s, can’ts, etc…” are referred to as: Modal Operators of Necessity and Possibility”.  Here’s a short article I wrote a few years back which describes this phenomenon:  http://www.trulyhumancoaching.com/neurolinguistic_programming_articles/np_cant_should_and_other_modal_operators.pdf

In other words: Garbage, Nonsense.  Should, Can’t, Have To… ACCORDING TO WHO?

     At 49 years old and with ton’s of education and training in the science of humans, I am still taken aback when folks have a notion of how I’m supposed to live.  They say: “Maybe you should…”…. and I turn them off, cock my head, look at them with wonder…curious as to why this other being has a dictate for how I should live?

Our Kink, Our sexuality is a HUGE place where not only the shoulds and have to’s show up… but they show up big….

Forget about them… ask yourself… what do you want… what feels good to you?  Then, with full integrity… go play!

2 Responses to “Question the rules- Especially the one’s you make up…ala NLP”

  1. Minax says:

    Thanks for this. Words can be action. It’s super helpful to be aware of them and how they affect us and others.

  2. Find a guy with whom you will share your fantasies; share your experiences and make new ones. If you find someone in here who lives close to you and with whom you can set up a real date, do it!

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