Leather and Kink folks are some of the most authentic folks I know… it is a value inherent in so much of what we do in our BDSM world…what an honor to be among you.

What goes on behind closed doors is private… it speaks of trust, honesty and intimate sharing.

I recently presented at the “Behind Closed Doors” conference in Tucson AZ… The weather was fabulous, the hotel and staff were magnificent, and the people… The kinksters that gathered at the conference were beautiful, honest and authentic.

Now, you might wonder why I write about this… Our value and practice of honesty and authenticity is a value spoken of in our larger culture, yet covertly and overtly suppressed and NOT practiced… at least not to the level and degree that W/we do.


1.  The Vanilla Networking Meeting: Images are up, personas are on. We are taught to reveal only so much of ourselves…rather, to reveal what we think others will be impressed with. Lots of handshaking, talk about business… authenticity is often left somewhere else. Jockeying for position, business and ego-supporting scripts in support of stories we learned as children.

2.  The Vanilla Marriage:  Often overtly monogamous and often covertly semi-monogamous; things like sex, physical pleasures, unusual interests are often ‘closeted’.  A mutually agreed upon co-dependence that supports the images we hope to be as husband/wife-man/woman.

3. The Kinksters Relationships… vis-a-vis Behind Closed Doors: An open sharing of who we are with each other; a dropping of images, of competition in lieu of authentic sharing, sometimes coupled with emotional, physical and spiritual connections.

At the end of the conference MasterZ spoke about authenticity.  He referred to the movie “Avatar”… if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll recall how the beings greet each other, they say: “I See You”.  The Avatar beings pause, look and ‘take in’ the experience of the other person, and then greet them with: “I See You”.

In our larger culture it is much more common to work at “not” being seen… which is unfortunate… so many bright lights dimmed.  Not us 🙂

 Let us keep lighting up our world with our authenticity, our honesty, our truth.  Celebrate who you are… You are better at being You than anyone else, Rock On!



I read and responded to this question on linked in**.(See Link and endnote friends). Perhaps at face surface, it seems like an innocent enough question…

But would you ask this question: “Is 13 years old too early to learn about shamanism?” No, because… it is an ‘acceptable’ topic and is WAY clear of that taboo topic most folks like to tip-toe around… you know the word when spoken in many gatherings will bring a blush, a giggle, a look away…

it’s SEX!!! Ha… you knew that already didn’t you.

You see, we wouldn’t ask… “Is 13 years old too early to learn about baking bread?”… but… when it comes to sex… well… reproduction? Check, that one’s ok. Organ functions, check, ok. Gender orientation… Oh no… why? Because of the parents own stuff, their own shadow.

There could be a myriad of topics of what to teach our children about sex and sexuality… BDSM, Gender Orientation, Roles…..Sex, Sexuality and Sexual expression etc… but of course, that would mean that the teachers (Mom, Dad, others) would need to answer many questions themselves, questions in most families that were taboo, or more aptly stated: Better left unsaid.

But not in our world… because in our world we DO talk about these things… we live them, embrace them in ourselves… again… Hoo Rah BDSM community… I celebrate our comfort with self and open communication.

So, “Is 13 years old too early to learn about….. ___________!” Really, you fill in the blank. Feeling some discomfort? Then peak behind you and introduce yourself to one of your own shadows… or simply ignore it and pass it on to those you love… you get to decide today.

**If you’re here now, your’e hear for a reason. So I’ll share some of my real identity- as part of a group of experts regarding Human Sexuality, among other things.

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